AUDITION

"Something about auditioning."

~Some famous actor 

Every actor has their own opinion of auditioning.

Some are terrified of the experience. Some get heart palpitations just imagining the experience. Some actors love the experience...the adrenaline rush. For the record, these are the same people who love roller coasters, base jumping and taking eighteen items through the 15 Item Or Less Lane at the grocery store. 

I love auditioning. I love the challenge of it and, admittedly,I love most of the adrenaline rush. 

Getting a part in a television show or movie or commercial or whatever is pretty damn awesome, but just getting an audition is half the battle. 

Here's how that usually works:

Step One: You see a casting notice for a feature film, called, oh let's say, Star Wars.

Step Two: You submit for the feature film Star Wars. You follow all the instructions, include everything they've asked you to include and then you hit SEND. 

Step Three: You obsess about why you haven't heard back from the casting director about an audition...every minute of every day until you actually do. The healthy, normal thing to do would be to move on to something else and totally distract yourself from the agonizing week or two week long wait. Actors are neither healthy or normal though so we check our emails every hour on the hour. 

Now...if you're fortunate enough, there is a...

Step Four: You've been asked to audition for a role in Star Wars. This means several things. You obviously submitted correctly, your resume piqued their interest, your headshot didn't frighten them and you might actually be appropriate for the role they are trying to cast. 

Step Five: You reply to the email which says you have been chosen to audition and agree to whatever terms they establish. Let me say that again: 

You agree to whatever terms they establish.

If they tell you to show up at 6:30 A.M. on a Saturday wearing a tuxedo, carrying a duck under one arm, you show up in black tie and tails with a mallard firmly secured in your pit. Remember though, tux and duck aside, you haven't got the part yet, Chuck. There's still a lot that needs to be done before you can post "Just got cast as Third Wookie From The Left in a feature film" as your Facebook status. 

You must confirm the date and time and species of duck in a reply to the casting director's email. You must also say thank you. Let me say that again:

You must say thank you.

If it's one thing this industry needs more of, it's manners. A thank you goes a long way and besides, it's just a nice thing to do. 

Usually when you are sent an email telling you that an audition time has been scheduled for you, there are also sides included as attachments. Sides are portions of a script which include only the lines and cues for specific roles. 

Sometimes you may receive several pages of sides which contain the dialogue and cues for several scenes. This is done, usually, to reflect a wide range of emotion for the character. There are also instances of mock sides being sent to actors to learn for auditions. Mock sides are made of tofu, are healthier and taste fantastic. 

I'm kidding of course. They taste terrible. 

Mock sides are often not reflective of the actual material which will be used in the production. They have been created solely for the purpose of auditioning. Security is also a reason mock sides are used. You wouldn't want to send out actual scenes from the script of you billion dollar, top secret project to several hundred actors. Non-disclosure agreements or not, there are some nefarious types with Twitter accounts. 

So if you receive the email and there are side included, mock or not, you start learning your lines and cues. You may even begin doing a little research on your character. I love researching for roles. 

I'm still waiting for the role of a guy who stays in his apartment and eats cheesecake. That would be a challenge for me. I would have to do a lot of research. A lot. 

So you start to research your character and learn your lines and cues. You fill your pockets as Actor Kevin McNally would say. You get yourself prepared for your audition. 

Finally the day of your audition arrives. 

If you're like me, you can't sleep the night before and your brain races. The hamster runs in it's wheel all night long. It's like Christmas Eve. If you celebrate Christmas, that is, I guess. Do people get excited on Kwanza Eve? I don't know. I'm asking.   Is there even a Kwanza Eve? 

Many people don't celebrate Christmas. I do. So I don't know what to say to you if you don't. This just got really awkward. I'm going to stop talking about Christmas now. 

I love Christmas, though, I really do and the night before is...just...

Okay. I'm doing it again. Stopping for real now! Promise! Scout's honor! 

(I'm holding my fingers up like the Scouts do. I really am. Cross my heart and...yes...I'm doing the crossing thing with my other hand)

Shit. This has totally gone off the rails.

I'm thinking my original point was about the night before an audition. The anticipation is almost too much to bear. Anticipation! YES! That was it!

Okay I see what I did, made a note and we can move on now. 

Now I know a few actors actors, some young, some seasoned, as they say, who are very experienced and  well, there's no other way to say it but jaded. To them, one audition is just like the next and it's just a job and blah blah blah blah. 

How can you not get excited? 

You're not applying to be apprentice shoe salesman at Loafer World! 

You're an actor and you have an audition and you have a chance to play Third Wookie From The Left!  NOT THE FOURTH! NOT THE FIFTH! The THIRD!! 

C'mon! 

Are you seriously going to tell me it's just another day at the office, especially when the office could be an old west town or submarine or planet that has Wookies on it! 

I get excited every time I audition. Sure I get butterflies! Huge butterflies! Butterflies so big you'd almost swear Gandalf summoned them to save some hobbits from an exploding mountain. It's part of the experience. Butterflies, sweaty palms, dry mouth, heart palpitations, flop sweat...

I'm creating a really pretty picture at the moment. Aren't I? I'll quit while I'm behind. 

Everybody handles stress differently. Actors are no different, especially when dealing with auditions. 

Some actors become chatterboxes when they're waiting to audition. They just keep blathering away to the point of annoyance. Some actors are like frightened turtles and retreat into their shells. Some make funny stomach noises. Some run to the bathroom every five minutes. Some just sit their and do all that in their heads. 

Regardless of what you're like before you audition, by the time the door opens and you step in front of the casting director, director, writer, producer and editor, you had better pull yourself together and become whoever it is you are supposed to become. 

You audition. Some auditions last as long they need to so everyone gets a good sense of who you are and what you can do. Sadly, some auditions end as soon as you open your mouth. No two auditions are the same. Every casting director runs them differently. 

I've auditioned before for a casting director who took a phone call right in the middle of my audition. It happens. You just have to smile and keep doing what you're doing. 

You audition, you say thank you and you leave. And then, as you're walking back to your car you punch yourself in the face because you didn't do any of the things you told yourself you were going to do! Black and blue and all swollen face, you sit in your car and wonder if The Guy In The Glasses is going to get the part. 

Then you drive home. 

Then you wait. 

Tom Petty wrote and sang that waiting is the hardest part. 

He also wrote Stop Draggin My Heart Around, Even The Losers, You Wreck Me and I Need To Know. 

I'm pretty sure Tom Petty was an actor before he was a singer. 

Just Keeping It Reel

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