INTEGRITY & The Dennis Quaid Factor

I'm irritated and I probably should wait until I'm less irritated to write anything. 

Naaaah. 

What fun would that be? 

Go big or go home. 

I think it was Benjamin Harrison, yes 23rd President of the United States of America Benjamin Harrison, who said:

"You've got balls. Use 'em."

On second thought, maybe it was George Harrison? 

Harrison Ford?

Ford Fairlane? 

Any way...

Let me first say I've been an actor for a little over two years. I have, over those last two years, visited a number of casting websites. For the most part they are the same. They're usually cut and dry. As Jack Webb as Joe Friday would say, "They're just the facts, ma'am."

Casting websites usually list the project, the role, a description of said role and details on how to submit. Casting websites seldom include rhetoric or commentary....or sarcasm. 

In other words, the way it should be. 

Just give us the facts and save your commentary on the city you're casting in or the people submitting to yourself. 

It's like those ads in craigslist. If you want to sell a couch you post an ad and you say:

"COUCH FOR SALE. $45. Near Spokane. Call for details."

What you don't say is: 

"COUCH FOR SALE. Don't call asking about any f&@#ing end tables because I don't have any f&@#ing end tables! I've got a couch. It's not the best couch but if Glenn hadn't thrown up on it and if that stupid cat (don't you just hate cats?) hadn't had kittens on it I could ask a whole lot more. $45. Are you f&%$#ing kidding me?! Don't low ball me Chowder Head! It's only $45 you cheap bastards. Spokane. Yes. Spokane. Look! My parents divorced and my mom moved us there. LIKE I WOULD HAVE PICKED SPOKANE?! Jesus. Get a clue! Call for details but so help me if you call during Real Housewives I will hunt you down and kill you!"

I mean...seriously...which ad would you answer?

Don't get me wrong! I'm as sarcastic as they come! There's a time and a place for everything though. 

Job postings, eulogies, marriage proposals? Not the best time for sarcasm! 

And so should it be for casting notices!

Does it say something about the person writing the notices? I think so. Does it affect my interest in a certain project? Well...(voice goes up)

Here's the thing...

Actors are a nervous, insecure lot. 

You can stand up for yourself if you're happy with not working. 

That's always the threat isn't it? 

No work. 

Remember when Snoopy tried to get into the library and that voice said, "NO DOGS ALLOWED?" It's like that with actors except we hear "YOU'LL NEVER WORK AGAINNNNNNN."

You have to decide when to stand up and have your Dee Snyder moment. 

(I'll wait)

Got it? Awesome. 

By all means, take a stand and voice your opinion! 

It could affect your ability to work again. Time and place are crucial, is what I'm saying I guess. Grin and bear it is the key to survival, especially when you are up and coming. 

If you're an Oscar winner, you can tell someone to go sit and spin. If you're Johnny No-Name, well, it's a totally different game. Sadly, that game is LIFE, Monopoly and Chutes and Ladders all rolled into one. 

Be nice. 

How hard is to just be nice? And professional? It amazes me that often in these times, people who aren't very good at dealing with people are in a position of working with people.  I'm pretty sure Barbara Streisand just made eleven cents off of that last sentence. 

If you're frustrated, take a breath and then take another breath before you post something you're going to regret. 

Says the guys who is frustrating and typing. 

In my own defense, I think there's only three people reading this blog. 

And one of them is in prison! 

I go back to my original point:

Just post the facts. Post the facts and the contact information about the job. 

Look. The sad fact is you're going to deal with people who can't follow directions. That happens! Toughen up a little. If you've been in this business for any length of time you'll know it happens 500 times a day. If you get 1000 submissions, you could probably eliminate 12-15% just because somebody couldn't even the simplest instructions. Don't hire them! File them in the IDIOT FILE. Don't however talk about them on-line. Don't tell people you have an IDIOT FILE. 

If you're trying to be funny or ironic, you've lost the plot. 

You're not writing for the school paper. You're, in a sense, writing a NOW HIRING posting and times are tough. The people who are more than likely going to be reading those posts are anxious enough. 

You could, sir or madam, could respond with: 

"They need to toughen up. If they (you) can't handle my supposed sarcastic posts, how do you expect to make it in this business?"

Point taken. I'm not just being glib either. It would be an extremely valid point you make. 

I would still reply: 

"Agreed. Tough skin is required. In front of and behind the camera."

Do you see my point?

More over, do you understand my point. 

You don't see doctors going on the company website saying: 

'I swear. If one more abscessed toenail comes in! GOD! Can't there just be one day where only healthy people come in?!"

I'm sure they're thinking it. They're just not saying it. And why is that? Oh. What's that word I'm thinking of?

You are insulting the process, the project, the people who are reading the posts and, yes, yourself. 

I don't know. 

I've never worked for this person and I probably never will. 

Long-distance and ethics pretty much ensure that. Although I've heard LA is lovely this time of year. If you ignore the earthquakes, flooding, fires and The Kardshians. 

I'm an actor. I'm used to abuse. I've worn pants to tight and had wardrobe people yell at me. Even though my man-parts were being crushed and I feared the possibility of sterility, I smiled and limped to set. 

I've been yelled at on set, especially when I've worked as a background artist. Not for anything in particular but just because I was a background actor and fair game. I've had PA's (production assistants-not Philadelphians) bully me and treat me like a child. Again, not because of anything I did, but just because I was balancing on the lowest rail of the ladder. Background artists, for the most part are pretty resilient. You can throw food at us and we don't complain. 

I'm 50. I've sold women's shoes. I was formerly married to an attorney. It takes a lot to get to me. 

There's something about being condescended to, however, that gets under my skin. I find it inexcusable to be rude and unprofessional. 

Let me just say Hannibal Lechter would love this person.* 

*J.E. Matzer neither condones or supports cannibalism of any sort.Even if it's playful snacking. His remark was intended for the purpose of parody/entertainment. Cannibalism is a horrible thing even when it is the rude being eaten. Hannibal Lechter is a character in a series of suspense novels by Thomas Harris. Lecter was introduced in the 1981 thriller novel Red Dragon. 

J.E. Matzer neither knows Hannibal Lechter or claims to predict who Lechter would or would not like to eat. 

I have no idea what this man or woman is like in their every day life. Maybe they work part time in children's hospitals and adopt pets regularly. Maybe they call their mom five times a week and clean their plates at dinner time. Maybe they're the nicest person in the world and at the end of this project they will post something on their website like: 

"Ha ha. Just kidding. I love you all and you're the best!" 

Maybe. 

Maybe it's because I'm not a glass half full, not a glass half empty, kind of a guy (I'm more a get me somebody who knows how to pour a drink kind of a guy) but I don't see that happening any time soon. 

A tiger can't change their stripes. 

Or is it the size of an elephant's trunk doesn't matter?

Monkees can't help having red butts?

Ostriches...I don't know where I'm going with that.

I entitled this post INTEGRITY & The Dennis Quaid Factor. 

I just realized I hadn't really explained the Dennis Quaid part of that yet. Well it seems there is a video floating around the internet, as they are oft to do, which shows Dennis Quaid having a major, I'm 2 years old and need my diaper changed tantrum.

I don't really know why Dennis is upset. 

I don't know who he's yelling at. 

All I know is he comes off as a complete dick and I've lost a little respect for him after seeing the video. No. I'm not posting a link. Find it on your own. Go to GOOGLE and type in "Dennis Quaid being a jerk." Don't just type "Quaid loses it" because Randy's video will come up. No. I'm not posting the link to that one either. Try "Dennis Quaid Tantrum." 

The point is, regardless of circumstance, if it was a joke..

(there are those saying Jimmy Kimmel-current master of pranking-is behind it-how do you like those apples?!)

...or not, the result is the same: I now think Dennis Quaid, one of my favorite actors, could be a major tool. I don't know. You hate to think such things but this is a whole new world where everything is caught on camera. Everything. We  are now able to see sides of people-let's not forget they are first and foremost human beings with emotions-we wished we hadn't seen. Some things are almost impossible to unsee though. 

I'm done now. 

Not done. 

Hopefully. 

Just finished writing. 

Just keeping it reel. 

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